Ulrich Haarburstes Novel of Roy Orbison in Clingfilm by Ulrich HaarbürsteFrom the back cover:
Hello, and welcome to my book. My name is Ulrich Haarburste and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being completely wrapped in clingfilm.
When I put these stories on my website they proved to be very popular so now I have written this novel. This tome also contains the original tales and some new ones. Not to speak boastfully but it is perhaps the only book you will ever need to own on the subject of wrapping Roy Orbison in clingfilm.
So then. If you will proceed to the till in an orderly fashion, you may commence to buy.
My Date with Roy
Fetishism for beginners
I am in the garden airing my terrapin Jetta when he walks past my gate, that mysterious man in black. I guess it's worth pointing out that I don't spend that much time thinking about sexual fetishes, so perhaps it's my fault that I didn't make the effort to conceive of this one: namely, the arousal derived from the idea of wrapping the late Roy Orbison in cling film or Saran Wrap TM for us American s. That the Roy Orbison in Clingfilm stories happen to be hosted on Mr. Kelly's server is, I assume, a coincidence. If you have written any stories about Roy being completely wrapped in clingfilm please send them to me and I may put them up on the site. If you have a site with stories about other pop star s being wrapped in cling-film mail me and we can exchange links. What follows are seven masterpiece s of extreme niche slash fiction.
Only, instead of wrapping Doug Martsch in clingfilm, my fan fiction is about Doug Martsch running for local office. Story below the interview. A geocities site? I love geocities RIP. In Dusseldorf I made a photocopied magazine of my stories in a job where I was allowed to use a photocopier. It was a miscellany—stories, philosophical essays on the same topic, my illustrations of what I think Roy Orbison would look like wrapped in clingfilm, crosswords on an Orbison-in-clingfilm theme and little snippets of information on the history of clingfilm and surprising facts connected with it. I would attempt to sell them to co-workers or even give them away free on public transport but the circulation was still in the low single figures when you factor in returns.
In the advent of the Internet, a guy named Ulrich Haarbürste wrote a series of fan- fic stories devoted to wrapping Roy Orbison in “clingfilm,” and.
to go off and things
Interviewing weirdos on how to be a better weirdo.
I had heard of the fabled Castle Striga in Romania from a issue of Terrapins of the World, and thought it a lovely place of rest for me and my terrapin Jetta. However, upon arriving we find that the place had fallen into quite some disrepair. There is dust on every surface, and draped cloths over much of the furniture. The clerk, an elusive and angular man who calls himself Vlad, assures me that they are still accepting visitors and in fact has one rather famous American musician staying with them at the moment. I take along my new leather suit-case, so as to give myself more exercise and the suit-case some use. As I enter a nondescript room, I see two things that give me a start.
Ulrich Haarburste has many ways of describing the ecstasy he feels on wrapping Roy Orbison in clingfilm. In the first world war trenches, he must wrap Roy in clingfilm to protect him from a gas attack. He and Roy are in space, and Roy needs a substitute for a spacesuit. When spies set out to kill Ulrich, Roy and Jetta, the trusty clingfilm proves a life-saver. This self-published novel may appear to cater to specialised tastes. But it is highly recommended to non-fetishists, who will find it inventively hilarious.